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What to do about my boss who
"rants and raves?"
Q. I
work for a boss who throws temper tantrums. When this occurs, he rants and
raves, pounds the table or paces the floor, raises his voice, swears, uses a lot
of vulgar expressions and profanity, makes threats, gets very sarcastic, and
insults everybody in the room. We never know what will set him off.
When he is on one of his tirades, he belittles everyone,
and implies sarcastically that we are either incompetent or unmotivated.
He points fingers at us, asks why he has to do everything himself if he
wants it done right, and peppers us with all sorts of loaded, slanted,
closed-ended questions to make us each admit that we are lazy idiots who are
unworthy of our next paycheck. Picture everybody hanging their heads down
while he goes on.
Most of the people here are smart, hard-working, and want
to do a good job, so these tirades confuse and de-motivate them. Also,
since he is one of the authority figures around here, some of the people are
starting to mimic his behavior!
When he is NOT being negative, he can be quite charming,
and preaches good interpersonal skills! I actually LIKE him, but it's hard
to explain why. This REALLY creates a confusing environment!
Have you got any good ideas on this topic, especially
survival tactics, to recommend?
A.
Destructive feedback is as common as dirt nowadays. We're amazed nobody
has written a book titled "The Power of NEGATIVE Thinking!"
We wish we could say you're having a unique experience,
but boss behavior of this kind is being discussed at kitchen tables around the
globe at this very moment.
You indicate your supervisor is male, but we hear the same
story regarding a percentage of female bosses. This is not gender-unique.
Give your boss the benefit of the doubt and assume he
means well. He might suffer from frustrations that make him want to
"vent." Only some of these frustrations might have to do with
you -- the rest might be very personal. Because he has authority, he gets
to vent on you instead of (or in addition to) his wife, kids, or dog.
Another reason your boss may act this way, is he is
copying the behavior of some boss HE had 'way back when. Some people seem
to get imprinted with a past authority figure, and copy the bad with the good.
Also, some people believe you have to "break
down" your employees before you can build them up. This is hard to
put into practice, since modern society gives your employees a lot of choices
other than to be "broken."
Of course, a simpler interpretation is that your boss
likes to keep his subordinates on the defensive.
No matter how successful your boss may be, there is an
"opportunity cost" to this type of behavior. The biggest price
is to himself, but the organization suffers a huge opportunity cost as well.
The fact that you like your boss, despite his behavior,
shows that you are looking for the positive. That's good!
As far as survival tactics, here are our suggestions:
1. Realize that just because your boss exaggerates
your faults, that doesn't mean you don't have any. You should work hard to
improve and do an exemplary job, whatever that takes.
However, you are getting negative programming and you must
resist it.
A common mistake is to think that negative people are more
discerning, so they must be smarter and correct. One of those
"gag" office signs said recently, "If you can see the good side,
you obviously don't understand the situation!"
We like Zig Ziglar's admonition "Don't be a S.N.I.O.P."
"S.N.I.O.P." stands for "Susceptible to the Negative Influence of
Other People!"
We think a useful office sign would read,
"Danger! Negative thinking and statements easily become
self-fulfilling prophecies!"
2. If there is any pattern whatsoever to the tantrum
behavior, try to avoid the topics, locations, and situations that trigger
it. This may not be possible, because the outbursts may be
self-triggering, like Old Faithful.
3. During a tirade, you have probably already
learned that there is nothing much to do but wait it out. Arguing doesn't
help, since this is not a two-way exchange. If statements are being made
that are not true, decide if it is possible to "correct the record"
with your boss later in private.
4. Resist the urge to mimic this behavior with your
own subordinates. Yes, it is contagious! Destructive behavior can
feel reinforcing to the person doing it, because it feels like a release.
5. Do everything possible to preserve your own
self-esteem and the self-esteem of your colleagues, so you can continue to make
the best possible contribution to your organization. Draw self-esteem
support from your family, your friends, your faith, and any non-work
organizations you belong to.
6. You have to judge for yourself whether it is
possible to ever bring up this subject with your boss when he is in a "good
mood." The concept you would want to plant in his mind is that of the
"opportunity cost." Realize, however, that your boss may have
rationalized, justified, and modified his self-perceptions completely.
7. Do everything you can to optimize your own
performance, but brace yourself and make contingency plans for unfavorable
change. What will you do in case morale drops, and the organization
performs as predicted?
8. Realize that if you change organizations, you can
run into this condition again. It is not the norm, but it is certainly not
rare.
9. Realize that as you personally rise higher in
this or other organizations, the more you will be tempted to act this way.
This is one of the ways "power corrupts." Contempt should not be
an executive perk.
10. Also realize that as you rise to higher
positions, you have a fabulous opportunity to set a GOOD, positive example.
11. If you want to avoid hiring a subordinate who
has the same problem, use the "anecdote" interviewing technique and
use carefully-planned questions such as these:
"Would you please describe several examples of how
you communicated performance expectations and performance feedback to some teams
that you led."
"Could you please describe an example of how you
counseled a subordinate when you wanted his or her performance to get
better."
"Describe a time when you wanted a major move forward
in people's performances, what you did about it and what happened."
"Describe some successes and failures in your work
experience, how your subordinates added or detracted from those, and how you fed
back that information to them."
Some candidates are very good at outwitting
interviewers. Be careful not to reveal what you want to
hear!
Listen carefully. Compare the emphasis on blame,
criticism, and threats, versus the emphasis on recognition, development, and
encouragement.
Get the answer in plain words. If the candidate says
"I empowered them to right-size a pull-system paradigm outside the box for
world class synergy," bring in a translator who speaks gibberish and ask
for a translation.
12. Appreciate each person you meet who provides
positive, affirming feedback. We tend to take these persons for granted
and not recognize their valuable, powerful benefits to business and society.
It has been our pleasure over the years to work for a
number of people who made their subordinates, feel taller, prouder, stronger,
and more eager to succeed every time people dealt with them. What gems these
people are!
They "catch you doing things right" and they see
your potential before you do. They have the
self-esteem and self-confidence to see the organizational value in other
persons' gifts.
Negative thinkers and talkers are a dime a dozen, so
treasure the constructive people and do everything you can to assist and
associate with them!
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